I decided a few days ago that I’m using this WordPress blog to write about whatever I want. I can’t do “theme” blogs because I don’t have a one-track mind like that. My mind jumps to whatever subject I feel passionate about and there are many, many things that I love.

The color pink is my favorite. My first wedding was a beautiful splash of multiple shades of pink and white as the secondary color. I’ve loved pink since I was a kid, though my first favorite color was dark purple.

The ring that Josh bought me for Valentine’s Day this year has three pink sapphires with a silver design connecting the stones. Truly, it’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever put on my finger. I’m currently drinking from my tall hot pink water cup, which I stole from my mother’s house. My pink laptop was a Christmas gift from Josh and my dad gave me a pink camera for my birthday last year.

I never get bored of this color, which is strange considering my short attention span for just about everything else. I could look at the color pink for the rest of my life and be absolutely content. I also feel like it’s the color that most expresses who I am. I am bright and bubbly. I am happy and friendly. I am pink. 😀

Also for your information, my favorite crayon is “Tickle-me-pink.” Do you have a favorite crayon?


You make it work

I didn’t have my license until I was almost 19 because I didn’t think I needed it. I lived in a small town in Maryland and I could walk anywhere I needed to go. When I moved to Wisconsin, it was alarming to realize how far apart everything is spread. I did have a car for most of the time that I was living there.

During my time of state-hopping in 2010, I had decided not to pay my car payments. Eventually, they caught up with me and took the car a little past midnight. It scared the shit out of me. What will I do without a car? How will I get anything accomplished?

This has been a perpetual problem since I lost my car. I moved to Colorado in August of 2010 and at first, it wasn’t an issue because I didn’t have a job.  As for joy rides, Mom let me borrow her car. Then that car died and I was still unemployed so I was basically trapped in the house.

I got hired almost a year ago, after six months of unemployment, and there was some initial difficulty in getting me to and from work. I managed to make it work. When I moved out of my mother’s house, it was even more difficult to get rides, but my employers launched a new program where I would be able to work from home. Oh the joy of this announcement!

I quickly applied and I was one of the first accepted because I’m awesome at my job (it’s really easy). So now, I work at home. I’ve moved again since I started doing home-based, but it’s still the same. I stay at home and work and write. I clean a lot to keep my sanity intact. And since Josh had a car, we were able to get things accomplished: groceries, appointments, a new tattoo, etc.

Now that he doesn’t have a car, we’re stuck here together. He managed to get rides to work these last three days. And because of the snow, Mom couldn’t take me to get groceries these last couple of days. We’re still fine there… we will be for another few days but we’re out of chocolate milk and that’s a shame.

Josh was very upset when the car died and asked the same question I did, “What will we do?” I reassured him that we would be fine. It would suck for a couple of weeks, but we would make it work. He continued to lament the fact that he was car-less and I got angry with him. “Stop complaining. You’ll get a new car. You’re acting like this is the worst thing that could happen to you.”

And today, I am desperately wishing that we had a car. I feel bad for yelling at him and then doing the same thing he was. The pain under my right rib-cage started last night and it intensified this morning. I dealt with some health issues last summer and if this is the same thing, I’m going to scream. It got much worse much more quickly this time than last, which worries me.

I’ll make it work, because I always do. What other choice is there? I’m certainly not going to die. It might just hurt a lot for a while. I’m hoping I can hold out until Monday because that’s my next day off and I know I can get a ride to the clinic then. Can’t really afford to miss work.

I am looking forward to the pain pills they’ll give me because those things work amazingly on my headaches. Really kills all the pain, lol.

Oh and before I end this entry, I wanted to thank my recent new followers. So… thanks. 🙂

Updates on the novel

The last week has been a crazy one with the car accident on Sunday night and the nonsense of trying to get another car is exhausting. I’m hoping we have a short-term solution figured out which will hold us over until we move into our own place in May. That’s not too far away now… 🙂

I stopped writing my novel for almost a week. I think I was afraid to go back because I’m at the end of the Love section and I’m still not sure how to wrap up each of these sections. To combat that, I decided to start the Friendships section. At least I’m making headway on the novel, which is the most important thing. I wrote a total of 8 pages which is a success. I finished the entire story of Chris so now I’ve decided to go back and finish up Love.

I just need to come up with some way to wrap it up. It needs to be cohesive. I’m sort of hoping that I’ll just write the end and it’ll work out all on its own. I’m not sure that’s realistic.

Anyway, once Love gets finished, it’ll be the first complete section so it’ll be time for editing. My plan is to start editing on my day off this coming Monday. Once I have read through it, I’ll send it to my best friend, Sean, and my mother. They’ll be on the look-out for the silly errors I missed. After that? I guess it gets shelved until I have more content.

I would like to have rough drafts of all 6 sections by the end of the summer. The end of August to specific because goals are supposed to be. Published by the end of 2013? I think that might be possible, but I’ll have to wait and see. I can’t rush the process. It’ll take as long as it wants to get written and if I try to force it, it’ll be obvious.

Patience is a virtue I need to acquire.

Love Thoughts

I’m still very young. I keep forgetting that. My soul feels thousands of years old and some days, my body feels it too. Imagine my relief when I realize I’m less than a quarter of a century old. I still have so much life to look forward to! In the first 24 years of my life, I never felt that before. Being optimistic about the future is a foreign feeling.

I think the weight of my old soul created my negative outlook on life. Experiences in this life only compounded that thought. Good things don’t happen because they never did to me. By the time that 2012 came around, I was tired of bad things in life. I had been crushed and violated. I felt wrecked over and over again.

Last year was a crazy one but I feel like I say that every year. Last year was bad, like all the ones before but it was a different kind of disaster. That was the year that I broke hearts left and right, mine and others. I dumped the love of my life twice out of fear. I misunderstood my feelings for another man and crushed him twice as well. Last year, I was in love with love just for fun, I guess, no matter who I hurt. My best friend and I came up with my nickname: “Kailei the Destroyer.” Continue reading

I have several writing outlets, which is sometimes overwhelming but it’s also very rewarding. I have a journal (a 5 subject spiral notebook) that I write in at least once per day. Of course, I have my novel. Add in the wordpress blog and that’s a lot of writing. I love it though. I can spend hours and hours writing and never get bored of it. There’s just always something to write.

Sometimes these outlets cross-over into each other. I have some journal entries in my novel and some of my novel was originally written in my journal. I believe that’s to be expected. I was hesitant about posting journal entries here in wordpress because… well, why does it need to be? It seems pointless to rewrite what I’ve written before, even if it’s what I want to talk about. It also seems silly to have two copies of the same thing in two places, almost purposefully- rather than on accident like the cross-overs have been in the past.

Or perhaps I overthink things too much and it really doesn’t matter. Which is why I decided to type up the journal entry I wrote last night and then do a reflective portion afterward. Seems like the best of both worlds.

Continue reading

twenty one pilots

I am a lover of music and I tend to get REALLY into whatever band I currently love. For example, I listened to Eminem’s “Recovery” album for 4 months straight and for the next six, I was consumed with the need to listen to the rest of his songs. I connected to his message and fell in love with his lyrics. And how could I deny the amazing complexity of some of his rhymes?

After Eminem, it took me awhile to find another artist or band that I connected with as much. About a month ago, I found my new love. They’re called twenty one pilots and they’re from Ohio. I would describe their music as a mix of Owl City and gospel rap, but with emotion and purpose (other than praise). I went to their concert last night and the frontman (Tyler) described their music as “weird.” Whatever you want to call it, I’m in love.

It’s their lyrics that I connect with most. It’s also the raw emotion you can hear when he sings or raps. It’s electrifying. My favorite performance last night was of their song “Car Radio.” Such an intense song and just as amazing live as I thought it would be. I remember being completely lost in the moment.

They didn’t play my number one favorite song (“Addict with a Pen”) but they played all of the others I love. “Migraine” and “Screen” were awesome. Well, the whole show was awesome. I can’t stop raving about it because it was so amazing. It was the first concert I’d gone to that I actually knew the band. I knew all the words and could sing along.

Before last month, I had NEVER gone to a concert. But then I randomly won some tickets to a concert for Cute Is What We Aim For. I decided then that I would go to a concert every month for the entirety of 2013. So far, I’m 2 for 2. March’s concert is still up in the air, but I think The Devil Wears Prada is playing near here in April, so that’s the one I’m planning on for that month. Just gotta figure out March. 🙂

Now that my obsession with twenty one pilots has been satisfied by seeing them play live, I think I need a new artist to listen to. I have incredibly eclectic taste in music, but I connect with lyrics the most. Any suggestions? I’d love to hear them.