This is a short story I wrote a couple of years ago. The story is real, but this specific piece is technically fiction so it will not go into my book. I don’t think… Lol.
For now, I just wanted it to be published somewhere, as it is the first writing project I completed.
Just Between Us
It sucks here. I hate Wisconsin. It’s so cold! We got six inches of snow this weekend and I still have to go to school tomorrow. I started my new high school here last week and I hate it. I feel like an outsider. Like they’re all looking at me and knowing I don’t belong here. I miss Maryland. I miss marching band, a lot. Most of all though, I miss you.
I hope things are good there. Write back soon.
I’m sorry that you’re not happy right now. It’s hard to move in the middle of the school year. We miss you here too. The Indoor season was a complete bust. No members and no fearless color guard captain to keep them all together. Keep your chin up. I know you’ll find a way to make things work there.
It’s just getting worse. Do you ever feel like you’re trapped? I do, every day here. I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t get out of here. I hate school more and more every day. I don’t eat lunch anymore and I always skip breakfast. Mom’s always at work or out with some new boyfriend so I rarely eat dinner. I just thought about the last time I ate. That was two days ago. I should probably eat a bagel or something, but I’m not hungry.
I want to run away. I want to just start walking in any direction and see how far I get. I have a little money saved. I might be able to get a bus ticket to…anywhere. I just feel really lost. And I really want to go home.
You can’t do that and you know it. I’d love to have you back home, but that’s not realistic. You have to stay with your mom. You have to do this and I know you can. You’re so strong. You’ve been through so much already. This is just another hurdle. Make things work for yourself. Just stay strong. I know you can do this.
Tubaman5: Did you eat something today?
GuardGirl319: No, not yet…. I’m not hungry.
Tubaman5: Go get something to eat. I’ll wait.
GuardGirl319: *sigh* fine
GuardGirl319: Okay, I got an apple. Happy now?
Tubaman5: Steak and potatoes would be better. An apple will do.
GuardGirl319: Happy birthday, btw.
Tubaman5: Thanks I’m old now.
GuardGirl319: Oh yeah, def. Cause 24 is over the hill, obviously.
Tubaman5: Haha. Yeah. So, how did school go?
GuardGirl319: I didn’t go…I had a headache.
Tubaman5: Didn’t you skip school on Monday too? You’re gonna get behind in your work.
GuardGirl319: Nah, it’ll be fine. Not that I care.
Tubaman5: You should care. You need to graduate.
Tubaman5: I know you’re unhappy, but this is something you have to do.
GuardGirl319: No I don’t. I talked to the guidance counselor about dropping out. She wasn’t too happy with me.
Tubaman5: You did what?! Don’t even think about it. If you do that, I’ll stop talking to you.
GuardGirl319: You don’t mean that. You wouldn’t.
Tubaman5: I would. I know that threat is enough to make you stay in school.
GuardGirl319: Okay. Alright, I’ll go. I miss you, btw. We didn’t get to talk yesterday.
Tubaman5: Yeah I know. Yesterday was a rough day. I was up at 6 and didn’t get home until 1.
GuardGirl319: Oh, sorry hun.
Tubaman5: Wish we could talk more, but I’m going to bed. And you should too. It’s 11 there. Go to school tomorrow.
GuardGirl319: I’m not promising anything.
Tubaman5 has signed off.
You just went to bed, but I can’t sleep. I know this is strange, but I think about you all the time. I get excited when I talk to you. I get antsy when I don’t. I dream of you every night. I dream of us being together. I know that you’ll be skeptical reading this, but I just want you to know. I really think that I’m falling in love with you.
Of course I’m skeptical. You know me. But I won’t be able to know if you really mean it until you can look into my eyes and say it to me. Until then, I’ll remain skeptical.
I’ll be online tonight, but not until late. You should be sleeping, but if not, I’ll be there to keep you company.
Tubaman5: You’re still up. Isn’t it 1 there?
GuardGirl319: Yeah… not tired. saw your email, took a nap so I could stay up.
Tubaman5: You shouldn’t have, but I’m glad you did. Today was awful.
GuardGirl319: I’m sorry. What happened?
Tubaman5: Just a bunch of bullshit. Sarah is driving me nuts.
GuardGirl319: lol, how come? Hormones?
Tubaman5: Yeah, probably. Plus we haven’t had sex in months. It’s been since Christmas.
GuardGirl319: Ouch. That sucks.
Tubaman5: You have no clue. I’m in a constant state of arousal.
GuardGirl319: Well, that doesn’t sound too terrible. You just need a little release.
Tubaman5: I feel a little guilty sometimes though.
Tubaman5: I don’t think of Sarah when I do get that release.
GuardGirl319: Oh, really?
Tubaman5: Yeah. I think about us a lot actually. You and me, somewhere quiet. Away from life. Away from everyone else in the world. Just going at it like bunnies.
GuardGirl319: Haha. I never understood that phrase. Does that mean rough? Or just a lot?
Tubaman5: Well, I think about taking you, up against a wall in the band room.
Tubaman5: It’s rough and fast. I feel this need like I have to have you right then. And I don’t care who knows it.
GuardGirl319: You’d care if someone found out. I’m your dirty little secret.
Tubaman5: That’s not fair. We just… we can’t tell anyone. You know the damage that would cause.
Tubaman5: You feel neglected, don’t you?
GuardGirl319: Of course I do. I have this wonderful man that I think at least likes me a little and I can’t tell anyone.
Tubaman5: I wish it was different. But it’s not.
GuardGirl319: It could be, if you really wanted it.
Tubaman5: You know that’s not possible. You don’t even realize what you’re asking.
GuardGirl319: I’m not a child. I know what I’m asking. I want you to leave her. I want you to want me.
Tubaman5: I do want you.
GuardGirl319: Just not enough to shake up your perfect little world.
Tubaman5: Evie… I’m sorry.
GuardGirl319: Tell me this, what part of the day are you happiest? When you’re with her? Or when you’re talking to me?
Tubaman5: That’s not fair.
GuardGirl319: I know the answer. But are you willing to face it?
GuardGirl319 has signed off.
What you said was true. I am happiest when talking to you. I’m happiest when just thinking of you. And I think about you all the time. I was sitting in Astronomy class today and thought about you. I was staring at a map of the US and saw Colorado. I thought about running away with you; taking you away from all your pain. I thought making you mine over and over again. On the floor, in the shower, on the kitchen counter. I want you so badly sometimes I can’t think of anything else.
You have it wrong. I am yours. You’re just not mine. Sometimes, I feel guilty about Sarah. But most of the time, I don’t care. I’m in love with you and that’s the bottom line. I wish it was real. I wish it could be real in person. I wish I could kiss you and feel you hold me. I keep reminding myself that it’s just not possible. You’ve said it a number of times. I’m not blind to the obstacles we’re faced with. But I can’t stop my mind from wishing so badly that you were mine.
I got married today. Since Sarah’s due in a month, we decided to just go to the courthouse and get it over with. Now, the baby will have my last name.
I’ll be online tonight, if you’re still up.
Missed you last night. Did you get my email? I won’t be online tonight. I have a paper due tomorrow. Talk to you soon!
It’s been a couple days. I know you’re mad. I’m sorry, Evie. You knew it was coming. This had to happen eventually. It’s impossible. I’m sorry.
I know I said I was skeptical before. But I believe it now, because I feel it too. Please email me back.
Of course I’m mad. I’m still your dirty little secret and I’m realizing that’s all I’ll ever be. We can wish and dream and fantasize all we want, but that doesn’t change the facts does it? You’re married now. And no matter how much I might wish it to be true, I’m not your wife.
I knew that it was coming, but I really hoped it wouldn’t. It’s time to face those facts.
I’m sorry that it has to be this way. I know that it’s hard. There are days that I wish she never got pregnant. I wish that she had decided not to have the baby. I wish I had met you first.
Unfortunately, part of being a responsible adult means that I have to accept the consequences of my actions. It is what it is. But I wish it wasn’t.
Tubaman5: So, are you still mad at me?
GuardGirl319: I can’t be mad at you.
GuardGirl319: Not for long anyway. I love you. I just hate the situation.
Tubaman5: Me too. Nothing I can do now…
Tubaman5: I’m a married man.
GuardGirl319: Yeah, with the wrong wife.
Tubaman5: I know.
School is getting worse. Only a month left though. I hide myself away from the people here. I don’t want to make new friends. I keep thinking about going home and wishing it was possible. I know that it’s not. And with that, I know I’ll never get to be your student again.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. How things have changed. What it would be like to go to marching band practice and see you as my Assistant Band Director, not my friend; my love. I’m not sure that I’m strong enough to handle that. I guess it’s a good thing that I’m stuck here.
Tubaman5: It would be strange, I’ll give you that. But we could make it work. Sneak around. No one would know.
Goddambrandnew: Haha. That’s a good thought, but not exactly realistic. When would we have the time? After marching band?
Tubaman5: Sure. Or after we compete on the weekends. We could sneak away to the empty school buses and have at it.
GuardGirl319: Why, Mr. Johnson. Would you try to take advantage of your student?
Tubaman5: One as beautiful and smart as you? Absolutely
GuardGirl319: Oh good, now I’m blushing. Too bad, these thoughts won’t ever be reality. I’d love to sneak away with you.
Tubaman5: Yeah, I was in the band room earlier this week and saw that empty room down the hallway. It’s the perfect place after everybody leaves. No cameras there.
GuardGirl319: That first time? In the band room? How unromantic…
Tubaman5: I don’t think I’d have time for romance. Seeing you again would spark that primal need to be inside of you as quickly as possible.
GuardGirl319: Oh my. How scandalous.
Tubaman5: My thoughts of you tend to be much worse than that. Or better, depending on your point of view.
Tubaman5: Shit, she’s coming. I’ve got to go. Can I call in about a half hour? I’ll run to the store.
GuardGirl319: Yeah, ttyl hun.
Tubaman5 has signed off.
After your hour long trip to the store tonight, I’m sure you won’t be back online. I’ll miss our talks after the baby is born. It’s soon, isn’t it?
I just want to say good night. I hope you sleep well.
I’ll make time to talk to you, even after the baby is born. And yes, it actually could be any time. I’m nervous, but I’m also excited. I’m going to be a father! It’s a surreal feeling, especially since all of this was not planned.
I got your text message! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! I’m sure she’s a beautiful little girl. She probably looks just like her dad.
I’ll talk to you sometime soon. I know you’re going to be busy. Just know that I’m thinking of you.
Tubaman5: Gosh, she’s so beautiful.
Goddambrandnew: I’m sure she is. How’s Sarah holding up?
Tubaman5: She’s cranky. She thinks she’s a terrible mother, but I told her she isn’t. I don’t think it means much coming from me.
GuardGirl319: Oh, that’s terrible.
Tubaman5: Anyway, how’s school going? Is it getting any better?
GuardGirl319: Actually, I made a friend. I wrote a poem in Creative Writing and she really identified with it. It was actually nice to talk to someone at school for a change.
Tubaman5: That’s cool. What was the poem about?
Goddambrandnew: Give you one guess.
Tubaman5: Marching band?
GuardGirl319: Haha. No. You, of course.
Tubaman5: Ah, will I get to read it?
GuardGirl319: Do you want to? It’s pretty intense.
Tubaman5: Then definitely. I want to know the inner workings of your head.
The poem as promised:
Dreams Don’t Lie
the suffocating darkness
like leaves on the wind
beats for him
want him now
bite my lip,
tap my foot,
shake from head to toe
save me now
open your mind
set this free
dreams don’t lie
Wow. I love it. It is really intense. I’ll be online late tonight, probably around 1 my time. Hope we talk soon.
Something fantastic happened today! Completely out of the blue, Mom told me this morning that we’re moving back to Maryland. We’re leaving tomorrow. You remember our thoughts and dreams? They’re about to come true. I’ll see you at marching band practice, Mr. Johnson.